· Nathan Marsak · 2 min read
The Bungalows of Hyde Park MUST BE SACRIFICED
A 1912 California bungalow at 6315 South Brynhurst in Hyde Park — front porch, heritage trees, backyard for an orange tree — is exactly the kind of house a YIMBY loves to hate. And demolish.
There’s a cute little 1912 bungalow down at 6315 South Brynhurst Avenue, in the Hyde Park tract of Park Mesa Heights—
This is exactly the kind of house a YIMBY loves to hate. The classic California bungalow—with front yard, a porch for sitting in the evenings, a backyard for an orange tree and your barbeque—absolutely emblematic of our shared collective memory and indispensable to our Angelenic nature, and it has heritage trees!
So we’re taking in the tranquil atmosphere of our little bungalow friend when all of a sudden—
KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!!!!** **ejaculate a herd of frenzied, frothing, jackbooted YIMBYs, jerking and jiggling while dark lord Scott Wiener pulls their strings.
BWA HA HA HA HA! guffaw a gaggle of drooling developers, extending bony index fingers at…the bungalow’s neighbor! GASP! There’s ALSO a **1928 MISSION REVIVAL BUNGALOW COURT RIGHT NEXT DOOR!
KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!!!! they scream and scream and scream and scream until the wailing descends into an orgy of destruction as the assembled begin defiling all things beautiful, twirling and writhing in a debauch of bloodlust and madness!
DEATH! they all scream in unison! DEATH! DEATH! DEATH! they chant, kicking their hooves together in a cackling cacophony of unholy terror!
All at once the little bungalow and courtyard housing explode into a great orange fireball, rising impossibly high into the heavens so as to singe the Heavenly Father, while the beasts writhe and gyrate atop a mountain of flaming white oak flooring!
And then they built this.
Whereupon God, bloodied but unbowed, singed but unsullied, gazed upon creation with heavy heart.
